If Your Long Snapper Gets in a Slump…

I didn’t get a chance to actually watch the game yesterday as I was helping the Yankee Loving Fiancée’s uncle put up Christmas lights.  Luckily, I made it home in just enough time to watch the Factory of Sadness shift into over drive.  Since I didn’t watch the game, except for the end, I don’t feel comfortable talking about what happened since I didn’t see it.  So… I went ahead and wrote about the end and post game in a style reminiscent of the timeless tale, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”  I dub this… “If Your Long Snapper Gets in a Slump.”  And for the record, I managed to NOT electrocute myself this year putting up Christmas lights…

———————————————

If Your Long Snapper Gets in a Slump

If your long snapper gets in a slump, he’ll skip another ball back to the holder like it’s a hot potato.

If the holder bobbles the snap, the kicker’s delicate timing will be thrown off.

If the kicker’s delicate timing is thrown off, he’ll ultimately miss the field goal 30 yards to the left.

If the kicker misses the field goal 30 yards to the left, the other team will take over on a short field.

If the other team takes over on a short field, crap… they’re going to get into field goal range.

If the other team get’s into field goal range, double crap… they’re going to kick the field goal.

If the other team kicks the field goal, triple crap… they’re going to win the game.

If the other team wins the game, your players will get upset and not enjoy the post game buffet spread.

If your players get upset and don’t enjoy the post game buffet spread, they’ll begin to complain to the media.

If they begin to complain to the media, the media will assume there is dissention among the team.

If there is dissention among the team, they’ll begin pointing fingers at one another.

If they begin pointing fingers at one another, they’ll start making excuses.

If they start making excuses, they’ll say giving effort isn’t good enough any more.

If they say giving effort isn’t good enough any more, they’ll say it’s all about winning and losing in the NFL.

If they say it’s all about winning and losing in the NFL, they’ll talk about how they need to put today behind them and look to tomorrow.

If they look to tomorrow, they’ll practice hard all week.. maybe.

If they practice hard all week… maybe, there’s a good chance they’ll be in the game the following Sunday.

If they’re in the game the following Sunday, there’s always a chance it may come down to the final play (and the fans will poop themselves with excitement).

If it come down to the final play, you may need to send your kicker out to kick a game winning field goal.

If you need your kicker to kick a game winning field goal, you’ll need your holder to make a hold.

If you need your holder to make a perfect hold, you’ll need your long snapper to get the ball to him (and the fans will poop themselves with fear).

If you need your long snapper to get the ball to the holder, too bad… because your long snapper might be in a slump.

If your long snapper is in a slump…

6 Comments

Filed under Browns, Cleveland, NFL

6 responses to “If Your Long Snapper Gets in a Slump…

  1. JW

    If your long snapper gets in a slump, maybe its a new career option for Peyton Hillis.

  2. does the yankee loving fiancee’s uncle love the yankees too? i worry about you, you know. :)

  3. YES! if i could get the yankee loving fiancee to not love the yankees any more, my life would improve more than you can possibly know.

  4. Awesome post, I was laughing the entire time. You should do more of these posts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s